Tuesday, April 16, 2013
We've been at the Male Chastity game for several months now and without wanting to jinx it I think this is the answer for us.
My original desire for femdom, wife led marriage or whatever you want to call it was a misguided attempt to scratch an itch I had. With trial and much error that itch turned out to be a case of poison ivy. Like poison ivy scratching it feels good for a short time but ultimately makes it worse. Asking Sharon to dominate me was always going to be an exercise in futility at best and a relationship killer at worst.
Vanilla male chastity (as Sarah Jameson calls it) is very different and yet a most satisfying scratch of that itch. I caution anyone reading and deciding to explore this for themselves DO NOT Google male chastity and expect to a find the path to Nirvana. The overwhelming information out here on the web is almost exclusively male centered fantasy and not at all about the relationship oriented dynamic I'm attempting to describe. If you want to walk this path I strongly suggest you start with Sarah's site. http://www.malechastityblog.com/ultimate-male-chastity-guide/
I find my attentive and doting side when I'm aching for release. I could masturbate if I choose to (after all I'm a free man) but I know it will leave me surly and withdrawn from my wife. I love my wife I don't want to be surly or withdrawn from her. A good case of blue balls does the trick. Male chastity plays up the natural differences between men and women and our God given urges and desires. WHAT?! That's right I said God given urges and desires. We men were designed with an overwhelming desire for sex and women were designed to use our desire against us! This is no secret. Throughout the animal kingdom the males court the females and the female chooses the superior male to mate. As human males we try to impress prospective mates by demonstrating our ability to provide for them, protect them and offer them healthy genetic material for their offspring. So we diet, exercise and work long hours to be the most attractive prospective mate we can be. The payoff for we men is ten seconds of ecstasy that we pay for with the other 604,790 seconds of the week.(If were lucky enough to get sex weekly!) Why do we buy into such a lopsided arrangement?: 1) Those ten seconds are like heroine to a man's brain chemistry. 2) Its the way God made us to perpetuate the human species 3) It motivates us to be the provider, protector, progenitor that we are called to be. 4) It balances the division of power in the favor of the weaker sex.
Male chastity isn't about denying men any pleasure from sex quite the contrary. It amplifies the natural desire for sex and formalizes the woman's role as gatekeeper. If you've ever been a millisecond this side of the point of no return when she suddenly stops all stimulation you know how intense that moment can be. But, we all know what happens if we indulge in the next ten seconds of ecstasy... we crash. That crash can take days for me to recover from. But if you don't quite reach the summit not only will you not crash but you can live up in the clouds for days not seconds ever hoping to reach it. (thus concludes my mountaineering metaphor.) When you are pleasuring your wife and she begins to hit her stride in the throws of a particularly powerful orgasm can't you almost experience it vicariously. I have. I love to feel Sharon in the throws of orgasm at least as much as I love my own orgasm. When she is fully satisfied and I am utterly frustrated I melt like putty in her arms. I live anxiously for days with the glimmer of hope that maybe... next time?.....
Granted your spouse will still need to be on-board for this or it isn't going to work. So if your not married to a dominatrix and its not about femdom, what's in it for her? As a woman she is wired to judge the state of her relationship through her feelings and emotions. As the object of all our pent up sexual energy we instinctively want to impress the object of our desire. We begin to court her the way we did when we first attempted to win her heart. When I am frustrated sexually I am drawn to her like a magnet. I can't seem to ever get enough intimacy with her. I now love to cuddle up with her. She may begin to feel smothered with all your new found affections so speak to her in your non sexual actions. Try to remove any impediments and frustrations which can be mood killers for women. If for example you know she won't come to bed if their are dirty dishes in the sink or the coffee isn't set to come on in the morning jump in and fix it. If you've been married any length of time you know how these sorts of little things speak volumes to a woman. I suppose its true that some women will find your desire to pleasure her more frequently and unselfishly will be a big motivator but I'll have to leave that claim for someone else to prove. Sex is what motivates us... Women, not so much.
I'll write more soon on the nuts and bolts of how this works for us but in the meantime I hope this will inspire you to explore this further.