Thursday, December 2, 2010


To: Anonymous, who writes…

…”I've been struggling to introduce such a dynamic in my marriage for a few years now without success but I am ever hopeful.”

I understand your desire to implement the “wife led dynamic” in your marriage. As I have come to see it we have it in our power to “implement” it all on our own (at least theoretically). If you take away anything from my blog you will see my efforts fail more often than they succeed.) The greatest challenge is remaining motivated when she is unwilling to embrace the dynamic.

If you or I were among the lucky few married to women who took to it like a duck to water we wouldn’t have to work at it at all. We would live in “sub space” 24-7 surrendering our will to our benevolent dictator wives. While that may fuel our fantasies it’s not a marriage, and your wife didn’t sign up for that when she married you. The rest of us have to change our expectations and motivations. The title of my blog is my attempt to reaffirm my own motivation. If my motivation is to satisfy my need for my “kink” I will forever be frustrated. If on the other hand I remember just how much I love and adore the woman I’ve chosen to share my life with, its easy and its own reward to treat her like I did when we were courting. On rare occasions I see flashes of recognition in my wife but that is just the icing on the desert cake. Marriage is the whole meal including doing the dishes afterward.

Find your satisfaction in her growing affection for you as you treat her like the love of your life.


  1. Thanks for your postings. I'm trying to get my Wife's duck in the water on this success, lol! Will keep paddling (or be paddled!)

  2. Very wise, sane and mature words. Rare on the net and I congratulate you. And following the course you suggest, with the expectations you recommend may, in the end, over time, reap rewards that match your wildest dreams, or go past them to where you might regret what you wished for! Pandoras boxes do lurk! It took a decade, with my bitch-boy initially behaving exactly as you suggest in your wise post. Now he probably does regret where our journey has taken us. But his submissive soul is fully satiated.