What a roller coaster ride this has been. I have seen my share of ups and downs but I keep getting back in line to take the ride again. While we may never have formalized our relationship as WLM we are slowly hearing the click, click, click as we assend the hill. I must accept the possibility of doing it "Her Way" for us may mean never really formalizing an arrangement.
My challenge is to continually find ways to meet her needs and desires which does inspire her to feel more and more impedistalled, which is the goal after all. Some have suggested I don't know what my wife wants. O'contrare. I know but I far too often don't deliver it. I take full responsibility, but why when a man suggests he enjoys being motivated by the sexual component of WLM does he get branded as "topping from the bottom"? Guilty as charged I guess. I genuinely enjoy serving and pleasuring her much more than seeking my own pleasure. I thought that was the definition of being submissive. Why is it that to some the idea that there is something “in it for us” makes our experience somehow not valid or less than honest?
As it happens I'm having a lovely weekend working around the house on overdue projects as well as cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. and she isn't even here to appreciate it, but I'm feeling pretty proud of myself. I want her to come home to a clean house and something yummy… (OH SHIT!!! the Damn Dog Just Stole the Banana Bread off the counter!!!!!!) I guess I'll have to start over on the something yummy!
My challenge is to continually find ways to meet her needs and desires which does inspire her to feel more and more impedistalled, which is the goal after all. Some have suggested I don't know what my wife wants. O'contrare. I know but I far too often don't deliver it. I take full responsibility, but why when a man suggests he enjoys being motivated by the sexual component of WLM does he get branded as "topping from the bottom"? Guilty as charged I guess. I genuinely enjoy serving and pleasuring her much more than seeking my own pleasure. I thought that was the definition of being submissive. Why is it that to some the idea that there is something “in it for us” makes our experience somehow not valid or less than honest?
As it happens I'm having a lovely weekend working around the house on overdue projects as well as cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. and she isn't even here to appreciate it, but I'm feeling pretty proud of myself. I want her to come home to a clean house and something yummy… (OH SHIT!!! the Damn Dog Just Stole the Banana Bread off the counter!!!!!!) I guess I'll have to start over on the something yummy!
Why do you give a S##t what others have to say. In this society today servitude is all in YOUR head anyway. sure you want certain things that symbolize submissiveness to you but that is only natural that you want them. the problem comes when you demand them, and yes begging for them is a form of demanding. If you can say to yourself She is my Queen,Goddess, Mistress or whatever you call her,and I will put her desires first, I will obey her and I will accept whatever she gives me without asking for more then you are HERS. If you are there forget about labels, the opinions of others or formalization. You are THERE.
ReplyDeleteIf only it were that simple, but it isn't. I understand where you are coming from....!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with much of what the anonymous commenter said. It's difficult at times not to care about what other people think, but really the only two opinions that matter are yours and hers.
ReplyDeleteIt's easy to say, "accept whatever she gives without asking for more", but I think that's difficult if there is a great imbalance in attention. It's good for a Lady's partner to be attentive. However, I can't see it working if she doesn't reciprocate. Yes, how and what she does should be her decision in a female led dynamic, and yes, it might not be an equal balance, but a man needs attention as well. I believe it is necessary for him to be reasonable in his expectations and not get carried away with wanting more and more. That tends to be very frustrating and defeating for the Lady (I'm speaking in generalities am not saying that is the case for you.)
I think it's also very important to periodically talk about how the relationship is progressing, what each needs and wants, etc. Sometimes people consider any feedback from the submissive to be topping, but that isn't necessarily the case. If he has surrendered control, that infers a great deal of trust that his Lady will be concerned about his needs as well as her own. In order for her to do that, she has to know what they are. I don't consider it to be topping if he shares in an open, honest, non-manipulating, non-pressuring way. If he is manipulating or pressuring, I believe she should call him on it.
It takes effort on both sides to make any relationship work. Unfortunately there's no right way for everyone. I used several "she needs" and "he needs" in my remarks, but this is all just my opinion. Here's hoping the two of you can find what works for you.
Warmest Regards,
Lady Julia