Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Busy Busy Busy


Sorry its been a while since I have posted a new blog entry. We have been real busy. My Job has changed and I barely have time to get dinner on the table before Sharon gets home much less sit and blog. We are doing fine albeit not spending much time together. Missed weigh in for the past two weeks so no idea how that's going either. We'll eventually figure out how to find some us time in spite of the extra responsibilities.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Right the Ship



Ebbs/Flows... Highs/Lows... On again/Off again...

I hate that this is status quo in so many of our wife-led relationships but judging from many other bloggers and posters to forums it is the cold hard truth for many if not most of us.

Once again the responsibility is on my shoulders to get my head straight. Every time I make a comment like that my wife reverts to her naturally nurturing self and responds along the lines of "she hasn't been at the top of her game either" and basically excuses my poor behavior.

My problem is my head is filled with unfulfilled expectations of how it "could be." I read the successes of others and think... If only she would ___...
My ideal version of a wife-led relationship may never be fulfilled in my marriage and so I continually set myself up for disappointment. Disappointments lead to a defeatist attitude which leads to poor performance which ... yada... yada... yada... Same old story.

On the other hand...

As destructive as fantasizing about how perfect it "could be" can be, it is also the one thing that gets me back on the horse to give it another try.

Here is where a smart and submissive husband would shut up and stop typing until his head clears, but I need the catharsis of this blog to get this off my chest. What are the minimum requirements for a wife-led relationship (the term itself must hide some meaning). The question is not rhetorical. I want some input,especially from those wives out there who have made a success of their wife-led marriage.

On a completely unrelated subject...
Did I ever mention I was in the Navy. Here are a few randomly selected truisms about the Navy. (Anything analogous to wife-led marriage is purely coincidental and should not be construed as topping from the bottom or suggesting how one might better lead in a wife-led relationship. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Patients experiencing erections lasting more than four hours should consult with a doctor. Bla... Bla... Bla.)

A ship cannot have two captains.

A captain sets the course for the ship. The officers and crew seldom have the whole picture of the mission. They must rely on the captain to lead them.

The captain rarely mans the wheel. He instructs others to carry out his orders. The orders are carried out because there is a chain of command. The crew recognizes the stated and explicit authority of the office. No one need wonder who is in charge. The "scrambled eggs" on the brim of his hat declare "I am in charge."

The crew trusts the captain to make the tough decisions. The goal isn't the safety and well being of the crew. They are on a mission. Even if the orders seem arbitrary or unwise a crew that trusts its captain will follow him to the death because they can trust in the soundness of his judgment.

The captain establishes routines. From morning "sweepers sweepers man your brooms" to "Steel beach picnic Sundays" the captain uses routine to train his crew and to occupy their idle time. An idle crew will begin to grumble and eventually mutiny. Not everything is routine however. Simulated battle drills at arbitrary times keep the crew sharp and in fighting trim.

A good captain is an enlightened despot. He has the responsibility on his shoulders for the execution of his mission as well as the safe and orderly operation of the command. He earns the trust respect and loyalty of his command with consistent order and firm discipline. He expects his orders will be followed without question the first time and to the standard that he has set. Consistency and strict adherence to a code of conduct is key to an orderly command structure. An orderly command brims with esprit de corp. A Laissez-faire approach to leadership does not engender the respect of the crew and the crew loses respect for themselves.

R.H.I.P. (rank has its privileges) The captain doesn't eat the gruel of the crew. He has his very own chef. The captain has a state room with his own head (bathroom for you non-nautical types), stewards to keep his uniforms clean and pressed and the best seat on the bridge with the best view from which to command the ship.

It may be lonely at the top, but captains should rely on the wisdom and experience of those who have gone before them. Captains must seek advice from their peer group not from those they lead.

There is great solace in knowing you serve a wise captain. Conversely there is great strife if the command structure breaks down.

I'll close with a quote:

In the imortal words of Col. Jessup There is nothing on this earth sexier, believe me, gentlemen, than a woman you have to salute in the morning. Promote 'em all, I say, 'cause this is true: if you haven't gotten a blowjob from a superior officer, well, you're just letting the best in life pass you by.