Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Take your time. Do it right.


Why is it that for all my desire to give over to the wishes of a dominant wife that I still manage to bristle when being assigned a task? This Morning when my loving wife turned over a new task to me I saw it as "one more thing I have to do"? I see her becoming more confident and willing to direct me. That is definitely what I want so what's the deal? The deal is I'm very selfish with "my" time.

With her working full time and me at home most days she thinks I spend more time on her chores than I do. The truth is I'm into "speed cleaning". Ergo, more "me" time. "So long as she is satisfied with the job" whats it matter? I suppose you could say the "matter" is my attitude. By giving "her" list short shrift I'm treating "wife worship" as an add on to our relationship rather than honoring her with my best effort. Here again the theme that keeps my head in the right place (my version of "sub-space") has got to be "She Deserves My Very Best".


If she chose to be more critical of the tasks she allows me to do for her she would see that there is plenty of room for improvement. I'm committing here to my fellow bloggers and readers that hence forth I will redouble my efforts to "Take my time and do it right". Firstly because she deserves it and, secondly because I know it's the right thing to do and, It should help me keep my priorities straight.


Join me in my oath!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Getting back into the swing of things


What a diffucult week its been with house guests that it seemed would never leave. Our friends have no idea about our new relationship dynamic and that's just the way my wife wants it to stay. It was remarkable how out of sorts I was while out of my routine.

She was quick to show her appreciation after they left. And then the next day... She really showed her appreciation with a bit of tease and denial followed by a list of things that I needed to catch up on.

I Love This Woman!!!!

I'll write more often now that I have the house back to myself.

Friday, May 22, 2009

New mindset


I have chosen to respond to At All Times blog post Acknowledgement & Encouragement here on my post as well as in his comments section.

He Writes:

No matter how hard you try and submit yourself to your wife, do the housework, be attentive, pamper her, or simply let your wife take charge, unless you get acknowledgement, feel a sense that your wife wants or enjoys this, maybe some sexual teasing and if your very lucky some real denial, used specifically by your wife to punish or control you, then the whole wife led experience can feel pretty hollow, and sometimes even quite depressing.

We all have expierenced what you are discribing. I too wish my wife would demonstrate her authority through denial or other "femdom" activities but I constantly refer back to Mark Redmond's Worshipping Your Wife formula for success. The idea of romantic courtship for her sake is a more managable model and can be satisfying on its own merrits. The acknowledgment of authority that we crave becomes the goal rather than the byproduct of our submission. We can only be responsible for our actions and attitudes not hers. We haven't been an AHF or Elise Sutton story book example of success but I have had my eyes opened by Mark and his take on this.

I've tried (with limited success)to not think in terms of this as wifedom or D/s or even Wife led marriage but rather how can I win her anew every day. I've made enough ham fisted attempts at topping from the bottom that she is well aquainted with my kinks. In her time and in her own way she will reward me with an occasional gift of dominance. Its my challenge to give her excuses to reward me and not question the means she uses. Its a gift afterall.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Busy week


We expecting out of town guests this weekend so my plate has been extra full preparing for them. I've done the things that she expects and a few she didn't. She has been quick to praise my efforts.

Why is it that we'd rather she find fault with our efforts rather than praise them? Same song different verse. We want the demonstration of authority. The reality is she is genuinly grateful for my work and she is expressing it. So the problem as always lies with me. I have to remind myself that I am pleasing her for her sake.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Word games




I have been thinking of a way to help my wife and I communicate within the wife led dynamic. I catch myself asserting myself in a leadership role far too often, and for all my wife's efforts she has great difficulty expressing herself in an authoritative manner. Mind you this is not requisite to the success of our wife led marriage but would add a layer of acceptance for both of us.

I may propose a game of sorts.

What if for a day (or some other agreed upon time frame)she would eliminate the question mark from her vocabulary while I on the other hand would be limited to only questions?

Perhaps a tally of infractions to determine a winner. And since a wager always changes how a game is played some pre-arranged stakes for the person with the fewest infractions.

I can think of a thousand conversations that we have a day that would take on a new tone under these rules. Instead of asking "which way do I turn at the light?" she might have to rephrase "tell me which way I should turn at the light." My response if rephrased might be a bit harder to formulate, perhaps "would you care to turn right at the light?"

Is this a silly exercise or might I be on to something? I wouldn't even consider such an idea if my wife hadn't specifically mentioned her desire to learn to express herself more boldly.

We're on the path but far from having arrived. Is this a detour or a shortcut? Your comments are coveted.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Oh What a beautiful Morning


I'm still basking in the glow of submissive feelings from a night and morning under her spell.


Last night as our regular TV shows are in their off season we headed to bed early. (We really should do that more often.) I suggested she read me a bedtime story, by which I meant lets read a chapter in Mark Alters book Worshipping Your Wife.

If your like me you wish your wife would spend more time with the ideas of female lead marriage. What better way to expose her to those ideas than to read them aloud together? ...not to mention, What a turn on!

She said "we're reading and that's all!" What could I say other than "Yes Ma'am." She was kind enough to allow my hands to wander all over her while she read.

I can't recommend this book highly enough or my new favorite way to read it. Enjoy!

Monday, May 4, 2009

1.4



Okay, I'll try to tie a bow around this marathon background post.

So most of the elements were in place but I hadn’t gotten my head right just yet.

My wife was willing to be served but not willing to be bossy. I tried to serve but I needed bossy. We languished in this nether world for months. I turned my wife on to the Addison’s website and even bought their book. It was beginning to make sense to her but her efforts were even less stellar than my own. She, to this day hasn’t formally wrested control of the marriage. She took the next bold step and wrote to Emily Addison and received some helpful advice. And again hasn’t really implemented any of it. So I was at a crossroads. I had needs and desires but they weren’t being met and I was ready to quit for the bazillionth time.

And then the most transformational of all eureka moments occurred reading Mark Redmond’s Worship Your Wife blog. I won’t attempt to restate all the sage wisdom found there. (By all means go and read it for yourself.) The missing piece of the puzzle for me is the concept that this whole dynamic is simply courtship all over again. Courtship was the headiest time for any couple. So do it again and forever!!!

Wow… How simple. In courtship we put our best foot forward, and do all the things you know will please her. It doesn't feel like a drudgery to put out all that effort, you do it and get thrill doing it. I love my wife and she does indeed deserve my very best. I want to win her everyday. And oh by the way, women want to be won. It’s a win/win. Remember how you couldn’t wait to tear each others clothes off? I feel that way frequently. I get a kick out of doing all of the things that help to ease her burden. The benefits are obvious and any self respecting (and wife respecting) husband would be a fool not to realize them in their own marriage.

There are many more pieces of the puzzle that are yet to fall into place and that will be the primary focus of my blog going forward. Please comment as we take this ride together down the path of wife worship. There will be plenty of bumps and turns, but that’s the stuff of reality. This is no longer fantasy for me its real.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

1.3


The next eureka moment for me was picking up a book literally at random in a bookstore called “Good Husband Great Marriage” by: Robert Mark Alter. In it he pulls no punches in detailing how relationship turmoil is basically all the man’s fault. We therefore have it within our ability to fix it. I won’t go into great detail but suffice it to say if you’re a man in a failing marriage and have the courage to look at yourself as a means to save your marriage you need to read this book.

My marriage has never been anything like broken. As a matter of fact my wife and I used to get chided by friends and family when we would tell them we had never had a fight. (Since those years we have had children and that stat no longer applies.) But, none the less we are very non confrontational types and have a generally happy marriage. The sex was another story.

I never heard any complaint from my wife and I think none existed from her perspective. I was as I’ve already explained feeling unfulfilled. Again I don’t want to pass any blame or guilt onto my wife but if there is one truism about women I think it is that they cannot fully appreciate the male sex drive or the lengths to which we will go to satisfy it.

It didn’t matter to me that my wife was stressed with the day to day duties and chores of a working mother, except as it applied to her being able to relax enough to have sex with me. And so I made many shallow promises to help out more to ease her burden in hopes it would do the trick. I would keep up my end of the bargain until I had my sexual release and then all bets were off and the cycle would repeat.

While I have moved on from those days and that pattern the truth is I haven’t become immune to that temptation. And I’m sad to say that I still occasionally succumb to it.

The next step brings me up to about six months ago.

I created this pseudonym Rex and began participating in on line discussions with others who were successfully leading D/s lifestyles or who were perpetual failures at it like me.
One poster to the now defunct Uniquely Rika forum was particularly harsh in his criticism of me for my failures. I came to believe that success in a D/s lifestyle depended on a truly committed D and s. By that I mean it had to be strongly desired by the woman who could “impose her will” on a man and a man who could “completely sell out” to the ideal of being always subservient.

After two decades of marriage to this same woman I didn’t need a secret decoder ring to learn that neither was ever going to happen in our relationship.

But the desire remained…

Friday, May 1, 2009

1.2


I don't know why the urge to submit to a powerful woman was/is so strong in me or even when it first occurred to me, but I know it was at a very early age. Are some of us born to it or is it a result of upbringing?

My efforts with my lovely wife were sketchy at best. Only occasionally she would have a flash of brilliance and rock my world. It was those times that operant conditioned me to hope it could/would happen again. Mostly we had vanilla sex or failed attempts at domination play that often ended in frustration and tears and long talks. We both would try to compromise to the others wishes but never actually made any headway.

My first eureka moment was in discovering websites that moved it from a sexual fantasy and made me believe it could be a life long choice. Still I had a wrong understanding of what the was. I just know I wanted it.

Through long talks with my wife usually following another failed attempt at female domination, I came to realize what I was missing in my marriage and sex life. At the heart of it was the need to be desired. As Cheap Trick sang "I want you to want me... I need you to need me" I could still perform sexually but I wasn't fulfilled by sex. I could fantasize and masturbate and get a better "high" than when I got the "real" thing. (Obviously destructive to a marriage) I felt like sex was one sided. She required a long slow build up and great care to bring to orgasm and I was an after thought lasting only a few short strokes. To my wife’s mind as a man that was what I wanted wasn't it... to "get off"?

I never wanted to place guilt or blame on my wife but I did indeed feel like if she would just give me the kind of attention I gave her everything would be great. My male brain had it wrong yet again. We men judge a relationship by the sex, women judge it on everything but the sex. The attention she needed wasn't of a sexual nature at all. She was holding down a job a child and a household and I was complaining that I wasn't getting enough of her attention. See another destructive trend here?

More soon...