Implementation

To: Anonymous, who writes…

…”I've been struggling to introduce such a dynamic in my marriage for a few years now without success but I am ever hopeful.”

I understand your desire to implement the “wife led dynamic” in your marriage. As I have come to see it we have it in our power to “implement” it all on our own (at least theoretically). If you take away anything from my blog you will see my efforts fail more often than they succeed.) The greatest challenge is remaining motivated when she is unwilling to embrace the dynamic.

If you or I were among the lucky few married to women who took to it like a duck to water we wouldn’t have to work at it at all. We would live in “sub space” 24-7 surrendering our will to our benevolent dictator wives. While that may fuel our fantasies it’s not a marriage, and your wife didn’t sign up for that when she married you. The rest of us have to change our expectations and motivations. The title of my blog is my attempt to reaffirm my own motivation. If my motivation is to satisfy my need for my “kink” I will forever be frustrated. If on the other hand I remember just how much I love and adore the woman I’ve chosen to share my life with, its easy and its own reward to treat her like I did when we were courting. On rare occasions I see flashes of recognition in my wife but that is just the icing on the desert cake. Marriage is the whole meal including doing the dishes afterward.

Find your satisfaction in her growing affection for you as you treat her like the love of your life.

Just a little gratuitous sex…

I am blessed with a wife/mistress who is willing to indulge my fantasies and jump in with both feet from time to time.

I was out of town for a few days recently and got a slightly cryptic text that led me to believe I might be in for a treat when I returned. My mind began to fill with all the delicious fantasies that might await. It’s absolutely true that the largest sex organ is between the ears. That is unless your other organ weighs about 13 lbs!

For me the best sexual experiences are always preceded by the greatest anticipation. (Conversely too much anticipation combined with unrealistic expectations is a recipe for disappointment or even resentment. But that’s a topic for another day.)

I was met in the driveway and pronounced LATE! I was ordered to shower and I made myself as presentable as might be for a man of meager pulchritude.

I was directed to produce the key to our “little toy chest” and ordered spread eagle, face up, on the bed. As she deliberately secured each appendage to the four corners of our bed with rope and leather cuffs she told me just how lucky I was. She had been with a group of vanilla women talking sex and marriage and secretly realized just how much more adventurous she was by comparison. I was duly grateful and became even more so as our afternoon proceeded. While I wish I could tell you that we had hours without the kids to explore the boundaries of my predicament, it was not the case, but she made the most of the time we had.

She striped off her tight jeans and t-shirt to reveal an incredibly sexy black lace thong and bra (the kind that has only half a cup that leaves the breast exposed). That is a picture that will stay with me for a long time. If only I were still permitted to pleasure myself it would fan my masturbatory flames.

After her strip tease she directed a bit (or should I say bite) of attention to my nipples. I wish I had larger nipples just so she had more to play with. Seriously erogenous zone for me, once I’m warmed up.

Once she saw she had my full attention she proceeded to remove the thong and standing astride me began to pleasure herself. Now I knew the purpose for the ropes as the bed began to creak under the strain. I desperately wanted to touch and taste her but was held just out of reach. She did eventually guide herself down onto my eager member and ride me to conclusion.

While that was the payoff moment, the climax for me was all about the anticipation and yearning she created starting hours before with a simple text and continuing right on through to conclusion. In that moment before I was permitted to cum she could have removed herself and left me unfulfilled and I would have been just as satisfied and exhilarated.
Oh that every sexual encounter could be like that but then again there is anticipation too in not knowing if next time will be another moment to remember.

Just below the Surface.

I'm too quick to give up. I should know by now I don't have to dig very deep to find the Willing, Lovely, Beautiful, Dominant, Wife/Mistress I crave just waiting to be inspired. ...and things have again taken a turn for the better.
This brief email exchange will explain…

From: Rex
To: Mistress Sharon,

I just wanted to express my appreciation for granting me the opportunity to pleasure you the other night. I was really turned on by the way you provided feedback by grasping such a sensitive bit of my anatomy while I pleasured you. I was able to share the rhythm of your passion through your grip.
I hope you will allow me to pleasure you again soon.

I have been a miserable failure in serving you as I should. I am sorry.
With the kids back in school I will endeavor to get back into a more attentive routine.
I have re-read and will work to meet the terms of our k.i.s.s. contract at a minimum.
I will not request nor expect any sexual release until you are convinced I have met your expectations.

I know you have doubts that you can be a strong dominant leader in our relationship, but you have shown flashes of brilliance recently.

One example is my utter incompetence in doing the dishes properly. You have been very clear in showing me how to perform this simple duty to your expectations.

Honestly when you brought some bowls to the living room where I was sprawled out watching TV and pointed out my failure to pre-scrub them I was properly chastised.
I was embarrassed because I knew it was my poor attention to detail and doubly embarrassed because your mother was there to witness it.
I truly was impressed that you did not simply "blow it off" because she was there and even a bit excited to see you take a firm stand in front of her.
Part of me really wanted to jump up and take over in the kitchen to show my obeisance but my ego wouldn't let me in the presence of your mother.
It had the proper effect on me in spite of my lackluster response.

This simple example would make the subs lurking on the forums jealous of me and the lovely dominant woman I serve.

I just wanted to encourage you and to express how proud I am of your growth as a leader in our relationship and to apologize again for not sufficiently growing into the submissive husband I ought to be. I've been a very poor servant lately and while it has forced you to express your displeasure with my performance I assure you that was not my intention (even if a pleasant side effect). It has only been my slovenly selfishness. I want to turn over a new leaf in your service and I hope you will continue to expect my best performance and behavior.

I love you and wish to serve you, Rex



Oh, Rex... you said such nice things in your recent posts and emails and I don't even know how to respond. I knew (obviously) we had let our contract slide... but as usual was feeling I was to blame and felt awkward trying to figure out how to "fix" it. You pegged my feelings of reluctance and inadequacy perfectly.

And the things you shared from Kat were helpful reminders.
(I copied a few choice words of wisdom from Kat’s At Her Feet web forum in another email not reprinted here.)

I especially liked where she said you don't have to be something you're not and something you don't want to be. I'm just so slow to figure out where that middle ground is. I think that's what tends to "irritate" me the most (if that is the right word) -- that I sometimes feel you're expecting me to be something I'm not... though I realize I in turn am expecting you to stop being something you are. If that makes sense.

Thank you so much for the example of the silly dishes. I had no idea you took that exchange the way you did, so if you hadn't shared it I would never have realized.

You're very generous to mention my "growth as a leader" because it is infinitesimal and at a snail's pace, but thanks for the kind words.

I love you more than you can imagine.
Your benevolent dictator
(Maybe that's how I should try to see myself.) =)

…And so it begins again, Weigh in with your comments and encouragement. I covet the “feedback” ;-)

Apathy is contagious

I'm a poor submissive hubby. I get absorbed in the other aspects of my life to the point of totally neglecting my duty to serve my wife. She would argue that she hasn't made an effort on her part but, that isn't even relevant to whether or not I have served her as I ought. I know I have gotten out of this just what I’ve put in to it. It’s no secret that FLM has always been my idea and not so much hers. I have failed to inspire her as I should. Re-reading the K.I.S.S. contract reminds me just how minimal her requirements are and yet how far I’ve missed the mark in meeting them.

So in answer to Appy’s question… Not so well. But that's my fault not hers. If she has sensed that I don’t care why on earth should she.

Contract

K.I.S.S. Contract

In light of our discussion Friday night, 5/21/10, and in a continuing effort to find a happy medium for our diverse personalities and needs, what follows is a simple weekly plan to be implemented immediately.

Sexual Rules:
1. You are not allowed to touch your genitals for sexual pleasure without express permission.
2. You are not allowed to ejaculate without express persmission, even during our sessions of sexual activity.
3. You may ask permission to ejaculate, but my answer is final.
4. During the week I may or may not ask you to facilitate an orgasm for me.
5. Friday nights after our children are asleep shall be set aside for our mutual sexual enjoyment. There may be events which make this impossible from time to time, but they should be very rare.
Household Rules:
1. You are responsible for the following activites. They are simple to accomplish and I do not expect to have to remind you about these five items - ever.
a. At least once per day empty and load the dishwasher, thoroughly wiping down counters, stove and sinks.
b. Generally keep the house picked up during the week and take out the trash on trash days.
c. Do "your" white load and dark load as needed.
d. Keep the toilet and sinks in our bathroom clean.
e. Keep the lawn mowed and edged (more often than "usual").
2. I will tell you when I want other household chores done by writing them on the white board in the kitchen. When I tell you to do something on a particular day, I expect it to be done that day. If you are not going to have it done before I get home, email me at work before 4:45 p.m. to let me know and tell me why.

Weekly Report:

On Fridays you will write Sharon an email expresing your thoughts about the week. You should feel free to express in these reports any disappointments or concerns you have about how things are going with regard to this contract. Your report should be sent by 3:00 p.m.

We will start here and re-evaluate after six weeks. I do not think the household requirements are remotely too much to ask. If you follow through on these rules my life will be less stressful... I will be more relaxed... I will be able to focus more often and more fully on our times of sexual enjoyment together. Friday nights do not have to be the only nights, but we will commit to this at a minimum.

Your loving mistress

To my few loyal followers I apologize for my long absence. Job changes had me preoccupied and very busy. Those stresses have subsided and I'm committed to making this blog a priority again.

Thanks Mark Redmond (and his Worship Your Wife Blog) for republishing excerpts from Vivian's Domain blog. My wife has seen fit to read and reread portions of them. I'm amazed how intuitive Vivian is as regards men’s psyche. Like Mark I'd love to know what's become of her. Her input would add volumes to our discussion.

Sharron and I are moving forward toward a formalized WLM LFA D/D Whatever you choose to call it. We've been round this tree before but this time things are different. (I bet I've said that before too!) The key difference is the formal aspect of it. Sharon is pulling together the details and writing up the agreement. (I wait anxiously) I'll publish some detail later as things evolve.

I covet your participation and comments.

My favorite legend/mythos is Arthurian.
Knights and damsels, dragons and sorcerers, enchantment, honor, chivalry, epoch battles, and quests, what's not to love.
As boys we imagine ourselves the heroic knight. What kid hasn’t had a sword fight with a cardboard gift wrapping tube?
When we hit puberty we add the desire to win the affections of the beautiful maiden and go to extraordinary lengths to do so.
For too many men the "conquest" of a woman is the end of chivalry.
The more gentlemanly among us realize that women are the grail quest not the prize for a tournament.
We will face down the ferocious dragon or the enemy horde and yet the virtuous maiden from her lofty perch has the power to disarm us utterly.
The grail quest is a journey of discovery.
We see only glimpses of it when our hearts and motives are pure.
It remains tantalizingly close but just out of reach.
I live for the quest.
It gives life meaning and keeps the passion fire burning white hot.

Here's to the keepers of the grail.