Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Should the fates allow...

You may assume by my 20 month absence that I've let the fires grow cold and you would be mostly correct.

After rereading my last post (I recommend it) I realize again the truth of it and how, short of any formal game playing or specified gender roles, the basic concept of male chastity continues to enrich our marriage.

Sharon seldom acts as chastity enforcer and I still selfishly satisfy my sexual urges on occasion but we have long recognized those tendencies in ourselves and each other and we choose not to dwell on them as disappointments just realities. The trick is to re-mount that horse.

In our case, remounting the horse tends to take the form of my plea for her to reassert herself and an effort on my part to dote on her in the ways I know she appreciates. I'm seldom rewarded in the way that I'd like but come to think of it disappointment is part and parcel of male chastity. None the less it does get me focused on trying to please her more and that is never a bad thing.

For her to acquiesce to my pleading requires a bit of effort on her part. Not so much physically but with her imagination which is often her stumbling block. Because she isn't inside my head (even after all these years of marriage and blog writing) I need to find ways inspire her to do the things she genuinely wants to do for me but feels too unimaginative or inadequate to try.

Recent events (that are of no concern to my readers here) have put me in a frame of mind where I'm feeling closer to her than perhaps ever. I want to stoke the fires and ignite a fresh sexual passion between us. Again our perspectives on what that looks like are opposite sides of the same coin. Naturally male chastity is a means to that end for me. Hopefully male chastity is the same means to the end she desires whether that be an increased feeling of closeness or just having the dishes done and her coffee made.

The greatest impediment to implementing an active male chastity regimen , is that when it is so much as alluded to it tends to immediately cause defensive walls to shoot up. The very thought of it reminds her of her perceived inadequacies and too often perception is reality.
It should go without saying (though I'll say it anyway), I'm not expecting an elaborate 24/7 hardcore dungeon dominatrix experience. Honestly. What it comes down to for me is her basic recognition that I am largely motivated by my strong sexual needs and her taking an active rather than laze-fair role toward them. She is keenly aware that sex is a major motivator to me, I just need her to express her recognition of that fact in a tangible way on a regular basis. Everything else will sort itself out.

Because she is my chief audience of this blog this is unashamedly self serving.

So the next question is how do we get going again and prevent her feelings of inadequacy in its implementation?

Step 1) Have her read this blog entry. (...Check)
Step 2) Give her a way to implement it that neither challenges her to think imaginatively or takes an inordinate amount of her precious time. (she is busy and has a demanding routine)

Here is what I am thinking...

Sometime in the two hours between rolling out of bed and walking out the door set aside 2 minutes on average as re-enforcement time.
For the imagination challenged a die can be cast to guide the session.
I may make a special die but a regular 6 sided die will work.

Think EDITOR as the acronym. Then using a simple substitution matrix...

1=Edge (Perhaps another dice roll to determine number of occurrences)
2=Denial (This might involve an another roll to determine the number of days)
3=Ignore (The least demanding of her time and attention obviously)
4=Tease (manual? verbal? ???)
5=Orgasm (one chance in six... I like those odds)
6=Ruined (The least desirable outcome pardon the pun)

(If the meanings or use of any of these terms in this context is a mystery to you... chances are you stumbled onto this blog by accident and should probably click the back button) 

Obviously this would only be a tool to help her orchestrate a session and not a mandate for any particular outcome. In fact I imagine the result of the morning roll would likely be kept secret allowing her to choose another outcome should her mood or schedule dictate. Given my penchant for morning "wood" I suspect any of the above could be achieved in a two minute window.

There you have it my new and improved master plan. Suppose we can keep this one going without another 20 month break?

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

We've been at the Male Chastity game for several months now and without wanting to jinx it I think this is the answer for us.
My original desire for femdom, wife led marriage or whatever you want to call it was a misguided attempt to scratch an itch I had. With trial and much error that itch turned out to be a case of poison ivy. Like poison ivy scratching it feels good for a short time but ultimately makes it worse. Asking Sharon to dominate me was always going to be an exercise in futility at best and a relationship killer at worst.

Vanilla male chastity (as Sarah Jameson calls it) is very different and yet a most satisfying scratch of that itch. I caution anyone reading and deciding to explore this for themselves DO NOT Google male chastity and expect to a find the path to Nirvana. The overwhelming  information out here on the web is almost exclusively male centered fantasy and not at all about the relationship oriented dynamic I'm attempting to describe. If you want to walk this path I strongly suggest you start with Sarah's site.

I find my attentive and doting side when I'm aching for release. I could masturbate if I choose to (after all I'm a free man) but I know it will leave me surly and withdrawn from my wife. I love my wife I don't want to be surly or withdrawn from her. A good case of blue balls does the trick. Male chastity plays up the natural differences between men and women and our God given urges and desires. WHAT?! That's right I said God given urges and desires. We men were designed with an overwhelming desire for sex and women were designed to use our desire against us! This is no secret. Throughout the animal kingdom the males court the females and the female chooses the superior male to mate. As human males we try to impress prospective mates by demonstrating our ability to provide for them, protect them and offer them healthy genetic material for their offspring. So we diet, exercise and work long hours to be the most attractive prospective mate we can be. The payoff for we men is ten seconds of ecstasy that we pay for with the other 604,790 seconds of the week.(If were lucky enough to get sex weekly!) Why do we buy into such a lopsided arrangement?: 1) Those ten seconds are like heroine to a man's brain chemistry. 2) Its the way God made us to perpetuate the human species 3) It motivates us to be the provider, protector, progenitor that we are called to be. 4) It balances the division of power in the favor of the weaker sex.

Male chastity isn't about denying men any pleasure from sex quite the contrary. It amplifies the natural desire for sex and formalizes the woman's role as gatekeeper. If you've ever been a millisecond this side of the point of no return when she suddenly stops all stimulation you know how intense that moment can be. But, we all know what happens if we indulge in the next ten seconds of ecstasy... we crash. That crash can take days for me to recover from. But if you don't quite reach the summit not only will you not crash but you can live up in the clouds for days not seconds ever hoping to reach it. (thus concludes my mountaineering metaphor.) When you are pleasuring your wife and she begins to hit her stride in the throws of a particularly powerful orgasm can't you almost experience it vicariously. I have. I love to feel Sharon in the throws of orgasm at least as much as I love my own orgasm. When she is fully satisfied and I am utterly frustrated I melt like putty  in her arms.  I live anxiously for days with the glimmer of hope that maybe... next time?.....

Granted your spouse will still need to be on-board  for this or it isn't going to work. So if your not married to a dominatrix and its not about femdom, what's in it for her? As a woman she is wired to judge the state of her relationship through her feelings and emotions. As the object of all our pent up sexual energy we instinctively want to impress the object of our desire. We begin to court her the way we did when we first attempted to win her heart. When I am frustrated sexually I am drawn to her like a magnet. I can't seem to ever get enough intimacy with her. I now love to cuddle up with her. She may begin to feel smothered with all your new found affections so speak to her in your non sexual actions. Try to remove any impediments and frustrations which can be mood killers for women. If for example you know she won't come to bed if their are dirty dishes in the sink or the coffee isn't set to come on in the morning jump in and fix it. If you've been married any length of time you know how these sorts of little things speak volumes to a woman. I suppose its true that some women will find your desire to pleasure her more frequently and unselfishly will be a big motivator but I'll have to leave that claim for someone else to prove. Sex is what motivates us... Women, not so much.

I'll write more soon on the nuts and bolts of how this works for us but in the meantime I hope this will inspire you to explore this further.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Wow, Its been a while. Sorry.

Since I last wrote about the Key to Happiness I can report things are going along better than I could have hoped. (However, I'm still waiting for the mythical "comfortable yet secure" male chastity device to be invented.)

Our success has been due in large part to Sarah Jameson. Sarah has written a guide to male chastity called "Be careful what you wish for". She also sends a daily email on the various aspects of the subject of male chastity. What makes her unique and palatable reading for women and my wife in particular is her utter lack of male centered "kink". She is quick to point out and I'm loath to disagree with her that nearly all the "Women" writing anonymously on this subject are probably men writing to project their own prurient fantasies and don't in any way reflect the way real women think.

At Ms. Jameson's suggestion we have been on a bit of a trial run at male chastity for a couple months now. We (I) have had progressively longer periods of denial albeit on the honor system. My experience has been nothing short of spectacular. Even Sharon has begun to admit a certain level of acceptance with her new role and responsibilities as "Keyholder". I wont speak for her to claim she has found this to be the panacea I think it is but there is no doubt she is receiving more love and attention from me than she has ever known in more than two decades of courtship and marriage.

Rather than the hardship you may imagine male chastity would or "should" be, I have found it to be its own reward. I remain pumped up on the rush of raging teenage hormones. I find myself trying to find new ways to woo her like the heady days of early courtship.

The most difficult aspect for our sexual relationship throughout the years has been our vastly disparate sex drives. (Can I get an AMEN?) Male chastity has gotten us more in-sync than ever before and, not merely by stifling my orgasms but also by increasing her focus on sex as well. Is she teasing and denying me day and night as I might crave? Certainly not but she understands my fresh and burning passion for her is directly proportionate to the level of frustration she foments in me. Win! - Win!

Life inevitably intrudes and maintaining some fever pitch isn't a realistic expectation, but I can assure you that from my perspective if I don't have the regular outlet of orgasm whether via sex or masturbation I am much quicker to return to and maintain my chivalrous demeanor.

I cook and clean. I maintain the cars and the yard. I play taxi for the kids and assist with homework. I shower my beautiful and sexy wife with as much attention as she will tolerate (and sometimes a bit more than she will tolerate.) I do all these things and more with a grateful attitude because she intoxicates me.

This isn't "femdom" and I'm not subservient to her (even if she does put me in panties occasionally as a reminder of my decision to remain chaste ). We have simply chosen to take all my excess sexual energy and redirect it toward bettering our marriage. I for one couldn't be more pleased to not be pleasured.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Key to Happiness

The most recurring theme in this blog is failure. My failure to live up to the lofty goal of giving my wife the very best that she deserves. My failure inevitably leads to feelings of inadequacy and disappointment  And not just on my part but her feelings as well. She quickly assumes that she bears blame for not being the confident dominant person that she thinks I "require".  

Talk about unintended consequences! 

The truth is all I require is her love. And I know I already have that and that she places no strings on it but gives it freely and unreservedly and completely. What I desire is her. Emotionally, Intellectually, Sexually, and in every other way. Confidence isn't something I can give her but is something she can discover for herself. I didn't marry a bitchy bossy woman and I'm grateful for that. The stereo typical dominatrix roll is fun to imagine and for the occasional role play session but isn't reality in our marriage. YMMV

The events of the last few days have me focused laser-like on my intense desire and intoxicating love for this amazing women whom I share my life with...

A little background...

I remained a virgin throughout my adolescent years and never "made love" before my wedding night. ( I did loose my virginity but not with anyone I really even cared about much less loved.)
I turned to masturbation which as any man will tell you is a poor substitute for the real thing. 
I'm not the kind of guy who gets an erection anytime the wind blows. I need stimulation, mostly of the mental and visual variety. The more intense the stimulation the greater the climax. Which is a self perpetuating cycle of ever increasing stimulation. Sometimes a quick tug would soothe the savage beast but mostly it just left me feeling guilt ridden and even less fulfilled. The other (and more long-lasting effect) was to quell that most primal motivation every male of every species is driven by. I didn't need to woo my mate with chivalrous behavior I could quickly, simply and selfishly just make the need go away.

Now it doesn't take a degree in clinical psychology to realize that this is not healthy in a loving monogamous marriage relationship. For years I've heard the advice that masturbation doesn't hurt anyone, in fact its healthy and may even stave off certain physical ailments. But I think those are rationalizations we tell ourselves to alleviate our guilt. Bear in mind I'm writing strictly from one man's perspective.

Now I would characterize our marriage as better than most. We see deteriorating marriages everywhere we look. And obviously from previous installments of this blog you will note that I am blessed with a spouse who is more than willing to explore interesting avenues to broaden and deepen our relationship which she will attest is a big step ahead of the other women she interacts with.

So back to the point.
Yesterday we had the rare delight of the house to ourselves for the afternoon. I was feeling my oats more than usual and enjoyed lavishing some deep passionate kisses on my betrothed but was repeatedly rebuffed as she was up to her neck in a project she needed to finish. I didn't protest too much knowing the time constraint she was under. I returned to folding the laundry. A brief minute later the most beautiful sight greeted me from behind... "Then again whats another couple of minutes" she said, Her glorious naked body advancing on me rapidly. Oh Joy!

We proceeded to the bedroom where I dropped to my knees and delved tongue first into her most sacred bits. After a time she directed me to strip and join her in the bed. As I did she caught sight of it...

I was wearing a chastity device.

She didn't even mention it. She allowed me to bring her to full ecstasy with my hands and mouth and promptly dismissed me. She was brimming with self confidence. With nary a word she had taken command and I prayed would never relinquish it.

My head swims just typing the words as I re-live the experience. She was going to "play along"!!! I had no inkling when I might be freed as she was busy and had just "had her's".

Side note here: There is a great need to design and develop a truly secure yet comfortable male chastity device. Maybe we could task NASA with the job since they seem to be without a mission these days.

Later last evening it literally fell off. I was disheartened. We were up too late and with work in the morning there was no more hanky panky. 

However, early this morning (she was up before me), she leaned over me bedside and dropped a small silky pair of her black panties on me and said "you can wear these as a reminder since your chastity device fell off"

Wow, now there is a woman who gets it. I would walk through fire for her, but mostly I just want to grope her day and night. I am re-living the adolescent hormones I squandered in my youth.

I am not expecting this panacea to remain fever pitched perpetually and every waking moment but I'm riding so high I just had to share it. The storal of the mory is... Horny Denied Hubby = Satisfied  Confident and Happy Wife. And as any married man will tell you... Happy Wife = Happy life

Friday, February 10, 2012

Happy birthday to me!

Sorry to those who have expressed your desire for me to continue this meager blog. I have neglected it for far too long I know. I realized for the umpteenth time just how ill fated my efforts were to inculcate my loving wife with my fantasy desires for our real world marriage. So I let it all drop. I had resigned myself to the reality I may never again taste the forbidden fruits of female domination... Or so I thought.
With the prospect of the kids being gone for the whole weekend and it being my birthday to boot I began to allow my deviant mind to ponder the possibilities for a kink filled flesh fest.
I wasn't angling for another pie in the sky attempt to revolutionize our marriage dynamic just a little role playing. I let it be know what I wanted for my birthday and low and behold, she took to it like it was the most natural thing in the world.
I'll spare you the most prurient details but sufficed to say I spent a couple hours in luxurious psudo-subspace.
After a a good flogging/paddling far beyond any she had ever blessed me with before she had me give her a pedicure followed by a massage which turned in to lots of pleasuring of her and eventually a mind blowing release of my own.
So, I know it's light years from a real femdom marriage but I no longer care. It was nirvana and if it only comes once a year on my birthday I'll be as anxious as a kid on Christmas Eve all year long.
I can't say often enough how much I love this amazing woman who has blessed my life with her presence.

Thursday, December 2, 2010


To: Anonymous, who writes…

…”I've been struggling to introduce such a dynamic in my marriage for a few years now without success but I am ever hopeful.”

I understand your desire to implement the “wife led dynamic” in your marriage. As I have come to see it we have it in our power to “implement” it all on our own (at least theoretically). If you take away anything from my blog you will see my efforts fail more often than they succeed.) The greatest challenge is remaining motivated when she is unwilling to embrace the dynamic.

If you or I were among the lucky few married to women who took to it like a duck to water we wouldn’t have to work at it at all. We would live in “sub space” 24-7 surrendering our will to our benevolent dictator wives. While that may fuel our fantasies it’s not a marriage, and your wife didn’t sign up for that when she married you. The rest of us have to change our expectations and motivations. The title of my blog is my attempt to reaffirm my own motivation. If my motivation is to satisfy my need for my “kink” I will forever be frustrated. If on the other hand I remember just how much I love and adore the woman I’ve chosen to share my life with, its easy and its own reward to treat her like I did when we were courting. On rare occasions I see flashes of recognition in my wife but that is just the icing on the desert cake. Marriage is the whole meal including doing the dishes afterward.

Find your satisfaction in her growing affection for you as you treat her like the love of your life.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Just a little gratuitous sex…

I am blessed with a wife/mistress who is willing to indulge my fantasies and jump in with both feet from time to time.

I was out of town for a few days recently and got a slightly cryptic text that led me to believe I might be in for a treat when I returned. My mind began to fill with all the delicious fantasies that might await. It’s absolutely true that the largest sex organ is between the ears. That is unless your other organ weighs about 13 lbs!

For me the best sexual experiences are always preceded by the greatest anticipation. (Conversely too much anticipation combined with unrealistic expectations is a recipe for disappointment or even resentment. But that’s a topic for another day.)

I was met in the driveway and pronounced LATE! I was ordered to shower and I made myself as presentable as might be for a man of meager pulchritude.

I was directed to produce the key to our “little toy chest” and ordered spread eagle, face up, on the bed. As she deliberately secured each appendage to the four corners of our bed with rope and leather cuffs she told me just how lucky I was. She had been with a group of vanilla women talking sex and marriage and secretly realized just how much more adventurous she was by comparison. I was duly grateful and became even more so as our afternoon proceeded. While I wish I could tell you that we had hours without the kids to explore the boundaries of my predicament, it was not the case, but she made the most of the time we had.

She striped off her tight jeans and t-shirt to reveal an incredibly sexy black lace thong and bra (the kind that has only half a cup that leaves the breast exposed). That is a picture that will stay with me for a long time. If only I were still permitted to pleasure myself it would fan my masturbatory flames.

After her strip tease she directed a bit (or should I say bite) of attention to my nipples. I wish I had larger nipples just so she had more to play with. Seriously erogenous zone for me, once I’m warmed up.

Once she saw she had my full attention she proceeded to remove the thong and standing astride me began to pleasure herself. Now I knew the purpose for the ropes as the bed began to creak under the strain. I desperately wanted to touch and taste her but was held just out of reach. She did eventually guide herself down onto my eager member and ride me to conclusion.

While that was the payoff moment, the climax for me was all about the anticipation and yearning she created starting hours before with a simple text and continuing right on through to conclusion. In that moment before I was permitted to cum she could have removed herself and left me unfulfilled and I would have been just as satisfied and exhilarated.
Oh that every sexual encounter could be like that but then again there is anticipation too in not knowing if next time will be another moment to remember.